Monday, February 25, 2013

Well, it has been a very long time.

Usually posts like this mark the beginning of an end.  Like one last beep before the plunge into the darkness of a dead phone battery. An energy is spent, gone from you, the feeling to write. But it's been a long year and I have all kinds of fresh goals.  And Michaela's blog linked to this old thing and I actually had the thought "ooh, I wonder what the last thing I wrote was." That's not a great thing to wonder.

I am really excited about the coming year. Part of it is the simple math. You leave behind a bad year and every day of survival away from it counts. I feel unusually confident and together.  Like biscuiterie mentions, I ran a half marathon, my first. I started running right after my dad died. I was sleeping next to my mom, nights in Laguna. Days chasing all the unraveled bits. And I would need to run, but I couldn't. In high school, I remember I would go up and run around the park for what seemed like hours. I would turn over my Green Day/Specials/NoDoubt/Rancid/DeadKennedys/Smashing Pumpkins mix cassette (!) in my Walkman and run. But when I would slip away to the park and run last year, I couldn't make it very far _ for the tears, for the tightness in my throat, for the physical weakness.

And last week, we went to Austin.  It was so completely fun. I want to do that every year. We ate well, we behaved well _ for a weekend in which I ran longer than I'd ever ran in my life, I felt remarkably rested and happy when we got back.  I want to start trail running this year. And to do a few more races. I'm already signed up for Bay to Breakers in May.  It felt really great to honor my dad with the race. I'm proud I was able to do it. I don't feel like there are a lot of ways the feeling of it can be expressed. I feel a light and a lightness in the comfort of knowing he would be happy for me.
tangent: I wish I saw them play in Budapest. before I die, I want to go to the European music festivals for a summer.

This year, I get what I want. The runes said so. I went to a party with my screenwriting class. It was in the Valley at my teacher's house. I really like the people in the class. There are a lot of really young, talented people in there. It's kindof inspiring. We might become a cult after class, I think. Everyone's kindof spiritual and we're all really into eachother. And we read my runes. Other people were asking for career advice and the only thing I wanted to know when it came my turn was if I'm going to have a boyfriend and the runes say I will. Still, your prayers are well-appreciated.

It's late.